How To Quit Playing Small! - Natalie Tolhopf - Business Coach



How To Quit Playing Small!

I work with so many incredible women who think they’re not “enough”. They look around and think they haven’t done enough, they don’t know enough, or they haven’t been given a certificate that says they’re expert enough! And because they’re not doing “all the things”, the self-doubt starts to creep in. And they start playing small. So, how do we know when we’re expert enough?? HOW do we quit playing small??!

Hey amazing you. And you really ARE amazing, and I care so much that you recognise how freakin’ amazing you are! And that you’re already expert enough! So I really want to share a story with you today about a time when I was self-doubting and wanting to do all the things, and basically being a total dick!

At the tender age of 21, I’d set off to England on my big OE, clutching a fresh Diploma in Culinary Arts, full of hopes and dreams… And I landed the job of a lifetime! Summers teaching in a cookery school at a luxury villa in Tuscany. Winters in the kitchens of one of the hippest restaurants in Soho. I worked with some of the world’s greatest chefs and mixed with some verrry cool celebs! Seriously, the stuff that dreams are made of! But guess what?? I was so busy trying to be the best at everything, so busy trying to give everyone the best time, so busy being BLOODY PERFECT!… that I didn’t let myself enjoy it. Honestly, WTF??!! Some of the best moments of my life and I bloody well missed them!

Because in my constant search for perfection, I’d ended up playing small…

  • Yeah but… I just got lucky.
  • Yeah but… I’m not experienced enough.
  • Yeah but… I’m not as good as they think I am.

…Arghhh!!! I’d overachieved to prove my self-worth and I was robbed of precious moments.
I so don’t want that for you babe. Come on, let’s kick those Yeah buts!!

“You’re already expert enough. I believe that on so many levels for the women I work with. You are already an expert in what you teach and do. You may not be an expert in tech. You may not be an expert in marketing. You may not be an expert in sales. That’s where the doubt is coming from. Do not for a second doubt your expertise in helping other people, because that isn’t the problem. The problem is the doubt.”

Nat Tolhopf

How To Quit Playing Small

  • Where are you overachieving? How many things are you trying to be expert at?? Because you don’t have to be an expert at ALL the things! Give yourself a break sister!!
  • Accept that you’re the expert. You are enough right now babe. You are the expert right now. You don’t need to wait for someone to tell you this! And you don’t need a certificate to prove it! When you accept that you’re enough, you’ll operate from a very different place – you just need to look around and recognise that you’re already there!
  • Amplify your expertise. Now that you’ve accepted you’re the expert, you need to recommit to your biz by amplifying your expertise. Why did clients choose you? Find the evidence! Look for repetitive messages in your intake forms and enquiry emails, the “thank you” and the “you’re amazing” messages. And then own the shit out of these! Celebrate these wins because they’re all yours.
  • Upsell yourself! So where can you now add these things in to say what you want? – maybe restart your blog, or do more lives? Remember, there are two things that underpin sales – confidence and conviction. If you’re constantly trying to prove your self-worth through overachieving, then you’re not supporting your sales. So stop it!!


(01:53) Overachieving.
(04:37) When I was busy being perfect.
(09:03) Accepting you’re the expert.
(11:12) Evidence you’re the expert.
(13:16) Upselling yourself.
(14:28) Confidence and conviction.

Babe, you become an expert when YOU decide to become an expert!

When you quit playing small, accept your awesomeness and know you have what it takes to be the expert, look at the evidence of what you’ve already achieved, and commit to claiming your space – THAT’S when you’ll be operating from the space of being an expert!

And when you’ve done all that?


Let’s go!

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