00:00:09

Natalie: Okay. You’re so ready. Welcome to the podcast Suia Westbrook.

00:00:13

Suia: Thank you for having me.

00:00:15

Natalie: You’re so welcome. I love where we’re doing this too. Like in a very random place that you organized and I love it.

00:00:21

Suia: Yes. It’s sound protected. So good.

00:00:23

Natalie: Which we’ll need from our hooting laughter.

00:00:25

Suia: It won’t be echoing through.

00:00:29

Natalie: And our wailing cries. Just jokes. I just want to tell the audience a little bit about who you are and I don’t know if you know these things about yourself that I’m about to say.

00:00:38

Suia: Oh, my God.

00:00:39

Natalie: I know.

00:00:40

Suia: It’s what I do with.

00:00:44

Natalie: Did you know you’re the owner of three businesses?

00:00:47

Suia: What?

00:00:48

Natalie: Yeah. So you have Force Femme, who is the amazing sponsor. As we know, there is an event, series and community for female founders and women in business and a safe and inclusive space for growth, support and connections. And I can 100% vouch for that. It’s such a great place and space. You have Coast Lab, which is a co working space on the Hibiscus coast, which I have a space at, and I love it. And there is also a safe, inclusive space which is amazing and you run great events there. And your third business that you didn’t know, what is my third business is you. Suia Westbrook, freelance event producer.

00:01:31

Suia: Forgot about that.

00:01:33

Natalie: Do you remember when we first met, I’d always say to you, what do you do?

00:01:38

Suia: Yeah. And I never used to know the answer. Obviously, I still don’t know the answer.

00:01:43

Natalie: I love your heritage, though, and I’m glad I took with you today. So you’ve got a Samoan dad and a German mum, and if you don’t know what Suia looks like, she’s gorgeous because of this beautiful mix. So we’re going to talk a little bit today about where you’re from, the impact business, and one of the big reasons I wanted to have you as my first guest on the Mental Health podcast is what a privilege. Oh, thank you. I think we need to talk about it more and make absolutely. I not normalize it for other women in business, but to say, hey, you’re not alone. And I know that people hearing your journey and what you’ve been through and how you are today and, you know, I just think people need to hear you. So welcome.

00:02:31

Suia: Thank you for having me.

00:02:32

Natalie: Yeah.

00:02:33

Suia: Welcome to my TED Talk about.

00:02:36

Natalie: Why did you say crazy? Why did you say yes when I said, do you want to come on my podcast?

00:02:42

Suia: Because as you mentioned before, we need to talk about this more.

00:02:45

Natalie: Yeah.

00:02:45

Suia: It’s being. Have Running a business or several businesses and looking after your mental health. And also often lots of us are also, you know, project managing families, as I call it. It’s just we need to talk about more. It’s what relates us all. It’s what makes us relatable, what connects us. Yeah, I just think it’s. It’s a very lonely place, as you mentioned before, being in a note. Yeah. Mentally.

00:03:25

Natalie: No, not at all. So I remember when we first met, we met because the amazing Brooke Francis put us together to be a speaker at Force Femme. And you came to meet me and we were chatting about just being local in life and our first connection for me, when I was like, whoa, I felt instantly connected to you, was you. You come from and practice for most, for a long time of your life, a religion that could. Could be considered a cult, could.

00:04:03

Suia: New Zealand is one of them.

00:04:04

Natalie: And I’ve worked, my husband, I’ve both worked for this, this church, this religion. And I felt like I could really understand. I understood you straight away when we connected. And I was like, actually, let’s talk about that today too. That impact that this religion had on you. And I think it would just be a great spark into. Can you share kind of how that has impacted you and then your mental health journey from there really?

00:04:29

Suia: Well, yes, absolutely. How much time do you have? So where am I starting?

00:04:38

Natalie: So I think let’s talk about the impact of that religion.

00:04:41

Suia: Yeah, I think it’s. That was trauma that I experienced back then that I’m still unpacking. It’s a process. It’s nothing that can be healed instantly because it was ingrained in me growing up. It was what I thought was me being me was supposed to look like. And I think that is one of the expectations as well, is that you need to be. You need to fit into this box in order to be loved. And that, I think, has impacted me along everything that I’ve done so far. Because it’s always like, you try to be loved by other people as well, you know, and so you do whatever it takes, even though, you know, you might be pushing your own boundaries, whatever that looks like. And as you know, that’s what I’m learning is actually setting up boundaries that are healthy for myself and protecting myself and my mental health and my family. Yeah, yeah.

00:05:39

Natalie: When did you first kind of realize that the impact of the church was making on your mental health and then what did you go do about it?

00:05:50

Suia: That was actually. I actually didn’t connect the dots until I was already down the rabbit hole, absolutely down the drain. And I went into counseling. So there’s actually this great website. I’m not getting paid for this, so this is. But it’s called First Steps and it’s sponsored or it’s funded by the New Zealand government and you can get three free counseling sessions. So it’s for everyone in business and they just have great resources for free on there for business owners who are struggling. And funny enough, when I was really, really bad, this lady called and tried to book a meeting room at Coast Lab and she asked me if I knew about First Steps and I’ve never heard of it. So that’s when I went online and that’s the first thing I did. I found a counselor on there, applied for the sessions and within 24 hours I had my first session. Obviously three sessions is not enough, but it kind of. I started unpacking my suitcase with her. You know, everyone carries their suitcase. Some are bigger, some are smaller, but turns out I had a huge one. I thought I had a little travel bag. Yeah. And that’s when I realized that lots of that trauma has come from my upbringing of different, you know, values and things, how I behave in my day to day life.

00:07:15

Natalie: And yeah, when you were knee deep in it before you reached out, what impacts were you seeing on yourself and then obviously how it rolls into your business. Can you remember what it was like?

00:07:27

Suia: Vividly, yeah. It was not good. It was. I honestly never thought it was a mental health issue. I never have been exposed to anyone talking about mental health. That’s why I think it’s so important about sharing your lived experiences because it is a lonely place and you think you’re in it and yourself and no one else is feeling the same feelings. But once you, you know, chat to your girlfriends or your friends or your family, there’s at least someone who’ll be like, yes. And be validated and not feel alone and gives you the courage to then also maybe seek help or they’ve got some advice for you. You know, how you could tackle.

00:08:08

Natalie: What was a day like for you back then? Like when you were like in that thick.

00:08:11

Suia: I would just cry, right? It got so bad. I just was crying in bed. I felt awful. I felt shit about myself. I felt like I was letting everyone down, I was letting my family down. Yeah, it was, it was, it was awful. And it just got worse. Every little tiny thing I blew out of proportion. There was no perspective. There’s absolutely no perspective when you’re in it. There’s. Someone will come to you and be like, oh, but it’s not that bad compared to, you know. And you’re like, I. That’s not helpful. I don’t know what to do with that because I’m feeling.

00:08:45

Natalie: Yeah.

00:08:45

Suia: All the feelings so intensely. It’s like you’re hypersensitive to anything that happens around you.

00:08:52

Natalie: Did it take someone saying to you, hey, how you feeling? Isn’t okay. Go do something about it. Because I agree with you that I think people can be like, hey, me too. But sometimes it takes someone to go, hey, actually, this isn’t okay. It’s not actually what you’re supposed to be feeling. Perhaps you should go do something about it.

00:09:08

Suia: Yes, it was a mix of things. Someone who was really great in terms of my business. I’m just gonna go answer the business question. Because the thing is, my business is very people facing. So for me, the worst thing was at night when I was going to bed, I knew I was gonna have a shit sleep. Cause, you know, then you have a bad sleep and then you wake up and you feel awful, and then you have to go face people and you need to make the business work. The pressure of making the business work, that was the worst thing for me. It was like knowing I had to go to work the next day and face the people. And I couldn’t call in sick because it’s my business. So. But that’s also the place that made me start feeling this way. So it’s like a vicious circle.

00:09:50

Natalie: Yeah.

00:09:50

Suia: And it just. It just. And I got just deep, deeper and deeper into it. And I was really a great community manager. And she. And she did actually cover a lot for me where she came and. And that actually. I don’t know what I would have done back then without her doing that.

00:10:13

Natalie: Yeah, that’s so good.

00:10:16

Suia: Yeah. And then it was. I talked a lot with Genevieve, actually, Voices of Hope, which is the mental health charity, because the proximity. And she kept on checking in with me and she’s like, how you’re feeling? And also my friends, like, people just kept on checking in, which was helpful. But I think the tipping point for me to get help was when I was in bed one night and I just couldn’t sleep again. And I was exhausted from crying. And I was like, what am I doing here? Like, why am I here? Would it be better if I wasn’t here? And that was my own wake up call the next morning. I was like, these are thoughts. I have a family. I have a child. This is not. This is not right. So I called my GP and made an appointment and that was the first step for me to kind of be like, okay, I’m need to do something and I can’t. This is not. Oh, I know that. Yeah.

00:11:12

Natalie: You bought tissues for yourself, not me. No, but it’s such a powerful message because I think a lot of women have felt that. I’ve felt that way before.

00:11:23

Suia: And it’s. Yeah, no, I know. Should I get the tissue?

00:11:28

Natalie: We, like first guested. What are we going to be like on everyone. But I think, I think it’s so important because you never think because outwardly rip are extroverted that you’d never think, even your young self would have thought this way. So when you get to this, you’re like, how? How the fuck did I get here?

00:11:43

Suia: And that’s what is so scary, you know, because we’re both usually like, you know, positive and bubbly and extroverted and getting to that point, it’s just. Yeah, I was like, this is not. I can’t have these thoughts like, that’s. I need to do something about this. And I do feel real lucky that I felt that way after that because I know a lot of people have, you know, keep on having that. Those thoughts again. And that was, for me, it was only that one time, which was like my own wake up call. Maybe I was still a little bit more connected to myself than. Because I felt so disconnected to myself and to everyone. Like my partner, he didn’t know what to do. Like, you know, he just was like overwhelmed and he was just mainly looking after our child, which also needed care. And I was just basically trying to get through the day.

00:12:35

Natalie: Yeah. So I think this is. That’s a big motivation for this podcast is, is if you’re feeling these things before it gets to, you know, being quite dire, like, it’s. You’re not meant to feel like that. You don’t feel me to feel so disconnected and actually telling someone or going to your GP. Because for me, I went to my GP too, and I was just like, you know, I thought my late 40s was going to feel quite different. And she’s like, yeah, you’re not meant to feel like this. So I think it’s really important. These conversations are so important. So if you are having those feelings, like, you know, reach out to your GP if you can, because I think that’s a really good, good start. I remember when I also first met you, my first inter. My first kind of reflections on you or who I thought you were, was your middle name was so we are, yes. Westbrook, like you said, yes, absolutely to everything. And you’re the first person who would get up and help someone else to the detriment of your own work. Like I just saw again and again, you would just do everything for everyone. And I’d really love to know on your own reflections now, why do you think you do do that? And do you do it as much now? Like, have you learned to pull back?

00:13:49

Suia: I definitely did that for quite a long time. Probably way too long. Two reasons. Reflections.

00:14:01

Natalie: Yeah.

00:14:02

Suia: Here we go again with what I mentioned before, is the unconditional love I’m seeking. But because I’ve been brought up at being conditional, I do everything for everyone because I want to be loved. And second of all, when I took over Cost Lab, I had to do all the marketing, and it was. I had to do all of the things. Basically what I had to do was I needed to make this business work and make it viable. There was no other option. It was not optional for me because I had borrowed a lot of money from people and I had this loan, huge business loan I had to pay off. And other people have houses. And I think that’s something that’s very different in my upbringing than to basic, maybe people in Aotearoa. Most of them, I would say majority, not everyone. But having that pressure of owning a house. Yeah, we don’t own a house, which means everything is harder. I feel like everything in this country is based on owning a house because then you can get easier. You can get a loan, you can get a business loan and all these other things because you have guarantee backup. Yes, we don’t have any of that. So it was already harder to actually buy a business. I was very lucky that the previous owners agreed to vendor finance. But am I getting Australia? No, but so actually having those money issues, the financial money issues, and then having to make this business work, I was like, I have to do this for my family. Like, we don’t have anything else. So this business, I had to do everything in my power to make it work. And it just stretched me so thinly. And so I did say yes to everything, because I was like, however I get my name out, will give my business marketing and exposure in order to make it grow. Has it worked in hindsight? Absolutely.

00:15:43

Natalie: Great.

00:15:43

Suia: Was it worth it? No.

00:15:46

Natalie: Like, yeah, yeah.

00:15:47

Suia: You know, yeah. Half of 50% of the things I would have. I had done probably would have been enough, but I just didn’t. Like you said, oh. And when to say no. And at my family’s expense. And it was at a stage where my partner was like, you always do everything for everyone else, but when I ask you to do something for me, it’s always a no. And that’s you give to everyone, but not to the people who.

00:16:13

Natalie: Cause what was that like to hear that? Because that’s actually a really profound and brave thing for him to have said to you.

00:16:19

Suia: Well, I obviously denied it. I was like whatever. Yeah. And then obviously I slept on it and I was like thought about it because that was just my instant reaction. I was like, whatever, that’s not happening. But on reflection, absolutely. I said to him I’m sorry like that it’s come this far because he said he’s been trying to tell me that for a long time, but I just wouldn’t hear it. That was the first time I heard it him actually saying. And the text actually took it on board and realize that is what I’m doing. And I thought I was doing it for the business, but I was doing it for the business. But you know, what expense to my family’s expense.

00:16:58

Natalie: Yeah. And I think that business comes with an element of if even if you are mentally well and you know, got some of your shit together because people, we all don’t. But these levels of where you’re looking after yourself better. But these because it comes with financial pressure overworking anyway. So I can imagine or I do know on top of trauma and your own issues, own mental health issues with financial pressure is just a recipe for fucking burnout and even more issues, right?

00:17:33

Suia: Yeah, absolutely. And for me, I think everyone is different. But the financial pressure for me is the main reason my mental health declines rapidly there I can take mostly anything and be still well. My mental health still being great. But financial problems is not great. I think also because just, you know, not growing up with a lot of money and struggling. And then my dad used to spend lots of money because he always looked after the family and wanted to be loved. Maybe. I don’t know.

00:18:09

Natalie: Yeah.

00:18:09

Suia: And then my mom just couldn’t cope with it and just, you know, just having $0 all the time. So I was like, when I grow up, I don’t want to be first of all dependent on a my partner’s income. I want to be independent on my own. So yeah, we still. I still do that. We have separate bank accounts and we have one shared account that we share or share costs. But everyone has their own money.

00:18:37

Natalie: Yeah.

00:18:38

Suia: Because I don’t want to justify too when I buy stuff on myself, you know, for buy Five coffees a day.

00:18:43

Natalie: Yeah.

00:18:44

Suia: It’s my money, I’ll do it if I want. Yeah, exactly.

00:18:47

Natalie: And do you think that you’ve had a journey on like your self worth and pricing yourself properly and even though you might say yes to things like actually charging for your time and then billing properly, Nat Kun will be very interested in that.

00:19:03

Suia: Yeah. And I think one of the things that could also helped is like talking to you lots, you know, because I think we, when we first met it was so open. It was just like everything was on the table. It wasn’t like gradually getting to know each other. It was like, oh yeah, right, I am constipated today. Like, you know.

00:19:22

Natalie: Yes. It’s just like, yes.

00:19:23

Suia: And I’m saying that bowel movement right now. What’s going on with you?

00:19:26

Natalie: I know there’s a few times and this is where I’ve always got to be over careful to overstep relationships because I know there’s a few times where I’ve gone what the. Why, why are you doing that and only getting this like what are we doing here? Like you. It’s not sustainable way to.

00:19:44

Suia: Oh grow. Right.

00:19:45

Natalie: But it’s really hard because you’re so community based and you so you know, heart centered towards people and a creative that you do here in the industry that a creative, creative and community centered person. What will which if you can pay your own bills first, you can help more people.

00:20:05

Suia: I know. And that is something I had to learn the hard way.

00:20:07

Natalie: Yeah.

00:20:08

Suia: It’s like the more money you make, the more you can help other people. And I was like, what, what is this weird concept?

00:20:15

Natalie: Yeah.

00:20:16

Suia: And I love helping people. Like I, I just. And I think that’s also something I need to work on. It’s like, yes, but to what degree? Like if I can’t pay my rent, then what? Like I’m suffering there but I’m helping other people.

00:20:30

Natalie: Yeah. Yeah.

00:20:30

Suia: And also again, you obviously need to be careful with if someone keeps on taking, you know, I mean that’s happened before. Taking advantage.

00:20:37

Natalie: Yeah. I had on my list boundaries.

00:20:39

Suia: Let’s talk about your boundaries of the century.

00:20:43

Natalie: How are. What were they like and how are they like now? Like if you do reckon you’ve built some stronger ones?

00:20:48

Suia: Oh, absolutely. I think you also being a co lab helps a lot because Big brother’s watching. Yeah. No, literally it’s just someone to hold me accountable as well and or something I’m like, oh, what would net say? What would net do? And it’s been great, you know and Us just having little chats and even in the kitchen over like making a cup of tea.

00:21:08

Natalie: Yeah.

00:21:10

Suia: Checking in.

00:21:11

Natalie: Yeah.

00:21:11

Suia: Just being like, hey, I’ve got us to do this. My gut feeling says no. And you’re like, well, go with the gut feeling. Or you know, just asking questions. You’re never judging. You’re just always asking the right questions that I’m like basically get the answer myself. And I’m feel like great about it to say no.

00:21:26

Natalie: But I think sometimes you do need the woman before us to go and make you feel safe. Like, oh, I can do business this way based on this thinking and from my gut. But you know, kudos to you for doing the work on yourself around being loved and then not using that through your business because you know, it’s just not a healthy way to do business.

00:21:50

Suia: And it gets, yeah, it’s so easy to get that all mixed up because we spend so much time and I have you separating yourself from your business is so hard. Everything just becomes one big mush and one big mush.

00:22:05

Natalie: Yeah.

00:22:06

Suia: Just like fuck.

00:22:07

Natalie: Do you remember when one of our conversations, we were talking about mental health and you were talking about medication.

00:22:14

Suia: Yep.

00:22:14

Natalie: That you were on and I was like, I think you should just go. I was gonna say balls to the wall, but just go like just go put it out there on social media. Just go put an Instagram post. And then your mother in law. Oh yeah, about that. Can you talk about what you shared?

00:22:35

Suia: Yeah.

00:22:35

Natalie: And then what it was like when she commented.

00:22:38

Suia: Yeah. So when I was going through my healing or getting better process, it was such a extreme phase of me just realizing all this stuff going on in the background, all this stuff, like I just felt so good about it, about feeling better and I started going medication. So I put a post on Force Farm about myself and was super transparent. I was talking about having sex drive after taking medication and being on medication and like just vouching for it because it made me feel. It gave me my fundamental positive energy back which I have lacked for so long. And I put that on Instagram as a post and I get this long voice message from my partner’s mom. Just saying, I’ve read your post. I didn’t even know she was following me. But I’m obviously think this through. I had not spoken to my family. We have not. I had not spoken to my family on my side or my partner’s family about my mental health. Why? Because they’re overseas. I don’t have a amazing close relationship to my close family, but without my Partner’s family. I thought he was just. He would. If it was the other way around, it would be me telling my family. You are. Or not me telling his family. Weird. Anyway, maybe that’s something we need to talk about more. I don’t know. But yeah. She then left me a long voice message and said, I didn’t know you were feeling this way. Why am I finding out about this on social media? This is not okay. Yeah. And then I just felt really. I felt bad because I just assumed my partner would tell them. But I also. No, because I didn’t write it in a serious way. Like super serious. No, it was just like, this is how it is. And I’ve twisted it a little bit. Funny. Because I’m like, well, my libido is also down. So, like, you know, you gotta take your wins.

00:24:51

Natalie: Yeah.

00:24:53

Suia: And. Yeah. Count your losses. But what’s going.

00:25:02

Natalie: How did the medication help you and what did you feel like when you. When it was suggested you can go on it? Like, what has it been?

00:25:09

Suia: Like, amazing. Yeah. Well, it was. I know there’s a lot of diverse opinions out there, but it worked for me and I loved it. I felt wobbly and I was dizzy, but I honestly, for the first three days I felt like I was slightly high and I didn’t give a. About anything. And what a life. Oh my God. I was like, this is the bomb diggity.

00:25:37

Natalie: I love that.

00:25:38

Suia: And it was just so relieved. Relieving from my thoughts, from my negative. Just circulation of, you know, also like having so many negative thoughts about everything in your head and not finishing the thoughts. So it just keeps on coming back. And I didn’t have that anymore. And amazing. It just felt so deliberating.

00:25:59

Natalie: So did you have your sessions, then medication, or was it a combined thing?

00:26:04

Suia: It was a combined thing. It was. And because in my third session or the trauma with my upbringing came out and my counselor was like, oh, what religion slash cult did you grow up in? And I told her and she’s like, oh, you qualify for 25 free counseling sessions.

00:26:22

Natalie: Well. Through validating as well. Right.

00:26:24

Suia: And I was like, this is like winning the lottery. Yeah. Because I mean, you know, also counseling is a cost. It’s like $120 an hour or something.

00:26:32

Natalie: Yeah.

00:26:33

Suia: And I was like, I can’t afford that. But I was like, I want to, so I’ll be like, okay, I’ll. I need to invest in it, so I’ll do it once a month. But she was like, you would need it.

00:26:47

Natalie: But it’s like it makes sense. So I’ll just go once. No, no, girl, you’re in here.

00:26:51

Suia: Like, no, no, no. Yeah, you’ll be twice a week until the hours have. Yeah. Until your credit has run out, and then we can apply for them again.

00:26:59

Natalie: Like, what’s it done for you? What did. Doing that. Going to therapy, going. What did it do for you?

00:27:05

Suia: I’ll change my life.

00:27:06

Natalie: Yeah.

00:27:06

Suia: For the better. Yeah.

00:27:07

Natalie: And I see that in you.

00:27:09

Suia: Feel like I got my old self back, my confidence, but, you know, like.

00:27:12

Natalie: Yeah.

00:27:13

Suia: Having the courage to set boundaries, charging what I need to earn what I want to earn, and free or get paid $5 an hour, but, yeah, just more quality of life. And if I have a day where there’s not a lot on great. Me to watch, binge watch some great rom coms.

00:27:36

Natalie: Yeah, I love that.

00:27:36

Suia: Period dramas.

00:27:37

Natalie: I love that for you. Because, you know, when you do head into, like, perimenopause and menopause, I can imagine it just. The whole thing just gets exacerbated. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you’re someone who’s had some trauma or has some anxiety or depression and then you hit perimenopause. Holy. It’s a massive journey anyway, without all that extra baggage. I really appreciate that you’ve done that for yourself, your future self, because hopefully when you go through the next. Next kind of phase of your life, you’re. You’re better set up.

00:28:12

Suia: Yeah. And I think that’s what it helped me a lot was like recognizing that mental health. You’re honest on a spectrum. Right. You always have mental health. It’s just how we. On the spectrum are you.

00:28:24

Natalie: Yeah, true.

00:28:26

Suia: At the moment. And it’s up to you. Everyone has different ways of. You know, some people do journaling. I go for walks and do running, do lots of exercise, like, you know, and just to turn off my brain and do something for myself. And then with a mix of counseling and the medication, I’m actually reduced. Just reduced my medication as well. I’m just gonna try it. You know, if it doesn’t work, I’m gonna go back on it. Like, I’m just open to all the options. But I think it’s just. It’s always work. It’s constant work. It’s not just you do the thing one time, it’s right. Yeah. And then it’s like, all better. You were like, happy days. It’s. It’s constant work. It’s like a relationship with yourself.

00:29:05

Natalie: So you’ve spoken about the impact that. That turning it around has done in your business. What’s it done for your beautiful little family?

00:29:12

Suia: Oh, great. They love that I’m. That I’ve got more availability to do stuff.

00:29:16

Natalie: Yeah.

00:29:17

Suia: For them and for my partner. I mean, my partner, me. In hindsight, we both started a business at the same time, which we were like, how dumb. What thinking what was going on. Obviously not a lot in our brains because we were like, I mean, I’m very lucky because he’s so supportive in anything I do. I could come to him today and be like, I thought about this business idea. Like, I think it’s a great idea. Go for it. If he doesn’t, he will also say that to me. But yeah, it’s just we’re really supportive in each other’s businesses or in our decision making. If it’s for the better, for the other. Like, we don’t shy away from risk, which is great. But also, you know, if both of us, if both sides do it at the same time, maybe would have done that a little bit differently.

00:30:02

Natalie: But you just made me reflect then on something that we have in common. That have in common. Actually quite a lot of my, my clients or just the woman that I love to hang out with is. It’s that kind of. That people pleasing, love me kind of thing that we will give to others before we give to ourselves and then before we give to our families. So for me, very similar story there about like, hey, what about us? Because I’d always give out to others first and then I would be last. That whole burnt chop syndrome, like I’m last down the carriage and so do you know, for probably the last two years, I’ve. I haven’t seen as many friends. I’ve actually put all my energy into myself first and into my family and oh my God, it’s been amazing.

00:30:55

Suia: Yeah.

00:30:55

Natalie: I mean, you still get to from a bigger, powerful place. Serve the people you were trying to serve from a empty cup.

00:31:04

Suia: Yeah. You can only give.

00:31:08

Natalie: Why does it take us so long to learn that? Like, I’m nearly 50. I think it’s taking me such a long time to go, oh.

00:31:15

Suia: But it’s because there’s so much pressure from society that women need to be doing. They’re doing it and like they’re not stressed. And it’s a myth. It’s not sustainable. It’s not the reality. Lots of people have help, you know, doing that. And also it’s okay if you don’t do all of the things. If you can’t do all the things, it’s why is there this expectation? Men don’t have it. Why do we need to do all the things like, you know. And it’s. It’s, I think, a lot to do with that. That we see it like that. There’s just that expectation that is just not a realistic expectation.

00:31:55

Natalie: Yeah. Yeah. If you could give some tips to someone who’s listening to maybe, you know, sitting where you were and they’re in the right and the thick of it. What do you really want to say to them?

00:32:14

Suia: Turn to your village.

00:32:16

Natalie: Yeah.

00:32:16

Suia: Talk to them about it. There’s going to be at least someone who’s experienced something similar to that and learn to be kind to yourself. I had to learn it the hard way. People always say that. And you’re like, what? And it’s like, yeah, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t. Yeah.

00:32:35

Natalie: What does that look like for you? And like. Like, how would you do that in a day? Like, be kind to yourself.

00:32:41

Suia: Maybe not taking any. Like, not saying yes to everything. Because then I overstretch myself and I may not be feeling great or may feel like I can’t fit it in, but I say yes anyway. But if I say no, I do have some breathing space for myself, which I need to recharge.

00:32:56

Natalie: Yeah.

00:32:57

Suia: And for me, that is what that looks like. Or having time to myself. I used to draw my energy from other people. Now it’s an absolute mix of both. I love being on my own, just so staring out of the window.

00:33:09

Natalie: I agree with you. Like, from going from being extrovert. There’s a lot of introvert now who’s like, I don’t always need people. I’m actually happy in my own space, too. Other little tippies there that you would like, actually.

00:33:33

Suia: Okay.

00:33:33

Natalie: There’s one story I want to finish with that might think it’s. And you and I would laugh about it where. And I think some more people should talk about this, too. But, like, going to poop your pants. Not that sue doesn’t have bell issues. However, when Sylvia has to host something or a panel, we have a running joke where we saw you. Oh, she’s actually just gone to the toilet to poop pants.

00:33:59

Suia: It’s diarrhea.

00:34:00

Natalie: Yeah.

00:34:01

Suia: It’s nervous pose. That’s what that is for anymore. I’m over that. I only get the extreme sweats now, so I feel like that’s a win.

00:34:11

Natalie: But it is a win. And I think because I, you know, I do a lot of public speaking, too, and I still have things that happen, but they’re not like they used to, you know. And I think you’ve got to take that as that one night like going to the toilet to go two farts in a splash.

00:34:25

Suia: Yeah.

00:34:26

Natalie: And then.

00:34:26

Suia: And you clean it afterwards.

00:34:30

Natalie: And then now you’ve just got nervous switch like, you know, in another few months time you’ll just be like, might.

00:34:35

Suia: Just be racing the last one. I don’t know. I did have sweets, but then I was like, oh, is it perimenopause? I don’t know who the knows. Like, I did a test online the other day. I was like diagnosed. I was like. But then it’s, you know, social media diagnosed. So I don’t know, maybe I should get that professionally checked out.

00:34:51

Natalie: Yeah. It’s not Google.

00:34:52

Suia: It’s not Google diagnosed.

00:34:54

Natalie: I think that’s the important thing. I wasn’t it. Sometimes we’ll look like people will sometimes look to me and be like, well, you mustn’t get nervous. It’s like, no, no, no, no, no. I’ve just spent the last like five years consistently out of my comfort zone.

00:35:07

Suia: Yeah.

00:35:08

Natalie: You know, I get super nervous when I do things. I just know that I can come out the other side of it and it’s just a thought that I don’t always have to listen to and that you just learn to kind of thing. But you do know that you know your why.

00:35:27

Suia: Yeah, your why is that. I think what, that’s what gets me through and I’m assuming that’s what gets you through as well.

00:35:32

Natalie: It’s just not a good enough reason. Like, oh, I’m uncomfortable. Yeah. Well actually what from being uncomfortable you get growth. So I just wanted to talk about the pooping because I think sometimes we look at people who are like public speaking or put them putting themselves out there and they just assume that, oh, because they think that we’re not uncomfortable because it makes them uncomfortable. They, they get away from not doing it.

00:35:54

Suia: I think that’s a big thing is, but especially with social media and everything these days is everyone thinks, oh my God, look, you get intimidated so quickly and you start comparing yourself. Even if you say you don’t do it, you still do it. Yeah, it’s, it’s not the reality. Everything. You know, there’s always something behind the curtain that’s happening that’s, you know, everyone’s going through all the time and we only see the picture perfect or like the, hey, look at me with my new clients, all my great brands that I’m representing, all the amazing events I’m doing and it’s not. There’s a lot of work that goes into it. Nervous pose, you know, people rejection, like, all this stuff. That’s why I think it’s so important to talk about it. That’s why I put that post up as well. About me and my tablets and about my libido and, you know, because I’m like, well, that’s reality. That’s my reality and that’s part of it. I’m not. It’s not perfect.

00:36:49

Natalie: I don’t think that’s the thing like about humanizing each other.

00:36:52

Suia: Yeah.

00:36:52

Natalie: You know, and that’s what’s one of my whys for my book is going to you. It might look like this, but actually behind the scenes, there’s all these thoughts and feelings and I think that’s. We just have to keep humanizing. Like, someone might look like they’ve got their together, but maybe five minutes before that they cried in the car or they’ve got to go home to some nightmare or. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think we just are so bad at that comparison.

00:37:15

Suia: Everyone has the little. Yeah.

00:37:17

Natalie: The super. Some of must have a whole, like, collection.

00:37:25

Suia: Some just have a little overnight bag. But not us. We come with the whole package. Come with a whole collection.

00:37:33

Natalie: So we’re going to do something that a lot of podcasters do, which I think is fun. I know I’m going to put you on the spot, but I think what would be cool is. And because you’re the first guest, you don’t get it. But I would love for you to leave me a question for me to ask the next guest. It could be a statement. It doesn’t have to be a question. It could be something for them to consider. It could be adding to my questions that I asked them, what part of.

00:38:13

Suia: Your personal and business growth thus far in your career, in your life has been the most impactful.

00:38:21

Natalie: I like that.

00:38:23

Suia: Just came up with that.

00:38:24

Natalie: Do you have your own answer to that?

00:38:27

Suia: No.

00:38:30

Natalie: No.

00:38:31

Suia: Oh, God. I need to think about that.

00:38:33

Natalie: Yeah, think about that. I think it’d be quite cool to know what that is for you.

00:38:36

Suia: Yeah, I’ll think about that.

00:38:38

Natalie: Yeah. What?

00:38:38

Suia: I’ll get back to you.

00:38:39

Natalie: Okay, great.

00:38:40

Suia: Thank.

00:38:40

Natalie: Get back to me. Thanks, crew. We could actually just stay here and keep on chatting. But I appreciate you being my first guest and making me cry. Like, what the fuck? But I just appreciate the vulnerability because we could sit here and talk about how amazing your businesses are and they are. However, I wanted the mental health series to be like your story and what you’ve been through because these people in the thick of it and people who need to hear our messages. So I appreciate you.

00:39:05

Suia: Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thanks for letting me share.

00:39:08

Natalie: Yeah, you’re welcome.

00:39:09

Suia: On my story.

00:39:10

Natalie: Okay. Bye, listeners.

00:39:11

Suia: Goodbye.

00:39:12

Natalie: Goodbye.